I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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