this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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