How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
