You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
