Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
