He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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