If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
