What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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