You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize