Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
