foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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