I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
