and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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