week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize