I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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