oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
