So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
