just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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