I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize