I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
