I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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