A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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