matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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