Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
