Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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