this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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