I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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