Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
