I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
