did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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