Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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