I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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