She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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