Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
