god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
