I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
