the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
