Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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