I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize