Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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