Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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