I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
