Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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