He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
