She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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