Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up under a house in Key West
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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