he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
