Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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