I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
