I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
