his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
