So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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