somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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