i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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