why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
