I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize