please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
