i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
