It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
