I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We have started to decorate penises.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
