And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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