well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize