She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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