I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
