and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
