it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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