thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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