dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
