She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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