Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize