Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
