i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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