you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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